Don't Give Up
a reminder from spring peonies
Last month’s letter to you all felt pretty heavy, written under the weight of grief.
I recently learned that finding out the symptoms I’ve been living with for years, which could not be given a clear diagnosis, and which was diagnosed almost by accident, can result in grief, the same kind of grief that comes with death except the process of dying is happening to you while you are actually still alive and what you are grieving is the death/loss of your former self.
Sometimes, parts of our former self just need to die and it’s ok to grieve. I’m happy to report that the grief has lifted. I’m thankful for the brain spotting sessions, that were begun in April. The unhealthy loops that were being created in my brain and body are being cut. Now the work continues to create new, healthy, neural pathways. Many thanks to those of you who have supported me in this phase of my recovery with your finances and prayers. I am very grateful!
This past year, and the past 4 months in particular, have been extra difficult, but I’m determined to not give up. Neuroinflammation can cause some very unpleasant symptoms. I’ll spare you the details here, but you can research the symptoms of chronic Lyme if you really want to know more or maybe we can talk about it in person sometime if you would like to compare notes or experiences, or the podcast Love, Hope, Lyme is a pretty good place to go for more info.
Donna from Old Stone Well Farm (and her cheery yellow daffodils of patience and perseverance) recently reminded me of the importance of not throwing in the towel too soon because Donna’s cheery daffodils made me think of my peonies. I love peonies, especially the fragrant varieties. We lost our peony bush a few years ago after my husband began removing large trees around our home.
Our peony was growing under a large pine tree and since it did have some poison ivy growing around it, I decided to let it go with the pine tree that was cut down. As I mentioned last time, a pretty big and destructive EF3 tornado hit close to our home in early April, and we’ve seen the damage that large trees can do to homes and cars and people which is why we decided to take some of the trees (that were too close to our house) down, on our own terms.
About this time last year, I bought 3 potted peony plants from a local nursery to replace the one removed with the pine tree, but when I went to plant them in my garden, I found out that they were really bare root plants that were sold to me, and they were sold to me before they had been given the time to properly root out into the pot they had been planted in. I knew these were the kind of plants that should have been planted in the cool early spring and that planting them when the summer heat was being turned up was going to stress them. What I wanted to do was take them back to where I bought them from, but I just didn’t have the energy, so I planted them anyway and hoped for the best. They did what I expected- their burned-up leaves turned brown, and no new growth was added to the plants last year. I sighed a heavy sigh of defeat and despair.
It’s not over when I lose, it’s over when I quit.
I sighed, but I didn’t give up. Some have said there is a stubborn gene in my family, but humanity in general has been known for its stubbornness, so there’s that. I think what I have is persistence or endurance, so when the urge to pull up what looked like dead, stressed, peonies in my garden last fall came over me, I did pull them up, but I didn’t throw them away. I moved them to a place where they would receive a bit more shade than they currently were and hoped there was enough life left in them to take root where I had planted them over winter. I think this means I am also patient and resilient and supportive.
All three of the peonies I didn’t give up on and moved into a more supportive environment, sprang back up out of the ground, put on green foliage, and put out a few fragrant young blooms for me to enjoy while I was in my fog of grief this past April. While I was unable to feel the joy of resurrection realities this past Easter due to grief, my peonies were demonstrating joy and life to me. I’ve often wondered if Thomas’ grief following the death of Christ on the cross contributed to his unbelief in regard to him being able to believe that a crucified Christ was standing right in front of him- alive.
God used peonies to show me my efforts have not been in vain and that stress can be the thing that changes us or breaks us. Don’t give up. Get better not bitter and remember that better can happen in your mind and spirit, even if it is not happening the way you want it to in your body. The body can respond to what’s going on in the mind and spirit…………..
Last time I wrote, I encouraged you to become your biggest health advocate and health care provider, doing so under the primary care of The Great Physican has been life giving to me personally in many ways. The word/phrase the Holy Spirit has been keeping on my mind lately is - “Better.” Sometimes He even uses songs popping into my head to remind me even though I’ve never really been a big Beatles fan-
“…..take a sad song and make it better…” ~Hey Jude, The Beatles
As always, remember to Pray First. So far in my healing journey, I’ve done the functional work (supporting my body with herbs, homeopathic remedies, supplements, acupuncture, nutrition, etc.), and the work in renewing my mind. Brain spotting (and prayer) is helping with the trauma, the somatic brain/body scorecard.
I am curious- can the herbs (and other treatments) being used to modulate the immune system in Lyme disease also help with long COVID symptoms? Based on my own studies and experience, I think this is a hopeful possibility for those of you who are long haulers. Bill Rawls has a great website that includes an herb database (and his own recovery story) where you can begin that educational journey if you’re interested, but I do pray you will be led exactly where you need to go on your own healing journey and that you will experience life- abundantly.
Best Wishes,
My name is Stephanie, I can do hard things, and “Leaving Death in the Dust” was created in sickness and in hope for healthy healing.
******Remember to make prayer a priority.
This publication was created to encourage the chronically ill to become more actively involved in their own health care. I’m glad you’re here, and I hope that you have found our newsletters to be helpful.
